Are we the barriers to our own potential?
On occasions I have found myself in discussions, usually with other women, where the issues of glass ceilings, discrimination, lack of recognition, exclusion, unconscious bias, institutional bias and many similar challenges are tabled.
I can honestly say that I'm not aware of having experienced any substantial barriers that negatively impacted my 40-year long career. Quite the opposite in fact.
In a recent exploration of intersectionality, I was rightly reminded that I am a white woman of privilege who had the benefit of supportive parents and a good education (please don’t judge me). So, have I been really lucky, or have I made my luck? Of course, it is a blend of the two, and I have certainly encountered some great mentors and been told some inspirational stories that helped me along the way.
Whilst I have been fortunate, I have also worked very hard, been intentional, mindful and creative in finding opportunities where I can succeed. However, my career has not been a ‘walk in the park’, and I have felt an unwelcome outsider many times, encountered opposition, been close to overwhelm juggling work and small children, and have been told I am not capable (I proved them wrong!). And this is all before my imposter syndrome clicks into gear doing its very own little war-dance trying to get me to play small.
I've worked as a project manager or a programme manager, either as an employee or a contractor, and have led 27 change initiatives, in 16 different organisations, across six different industry sectors, and several countries.
I spent the first 16 years of my career as one of a very few women working in the global HQ of a large chemical manufacturing company. My colleagues were well-educated, bright and scarily intelligent. Many had been to public school and good universities. I couldn't engage with my peers or my seniors because I couldn't talk about rugby or football, nor was I part of their eminent networks. I felt out of place. I was that working class girl who'd been to a poorly resourced comprehensive school and had fought her way to university for a degree in applied zoology.
Luckily for me, one of the consultants supporting us on a European supply chain transformation project, Richard Bhanap, took me under his wing. He helped me reframe my outlook and to learn to love being an outsider. He helped me change my mindset and begin to see my feeling of being different and separate from the group as an opportunity to stand out and shine. He held up a mirror to me and described me as Andrex – soft, strong and extra-long. I took this in the way it was meant - a massive compliment and a metaphor I could identify with. I do lead from a place of soft power, I am a strong project manager, and I have developed the tenacity and resilience to go the distance.
Not long after this, I heard the story of the experiment where fleas were put in a glass beaker, and they all jumped out. More fleas were added however this time a lid was placed on the beaker. After a while the lid was removed, and the fleas all remained in the beaker. They had been conditioned not to jump any higher than the false ceiling they were given.
Being a slightly sceptical applied zoologist, I searched for the scientific report of this experiment without success. However, true or not, it is a good metaphor on the risks of creating limiting boundaries for ourselves following unpleasant or uncomfortable situations we experience. I realised I have a choice in this challenging world when it comes to sticking my head above the parapet. As a project manager with transferable skills and the ability to move sectors, I can decide how much to bend myself out of shape or tolerate discomfort for the sake of my career.
I decided to learn to become comfortable feeling uncomfortable. We grow and learn most when we are outside our comfort zone just like the story of the lobster. This amazing animal grows to the point where it becomes very uncomfortable before bursting out from its exoskeleton (external shell) and finding shelter, whilst its new exoskeleton grows and hardens. I know that having the confidence and the courage to live in that level of discomfort has helped me grow and develop, and have far greater opportunities as a result.
I encourage everyone reading this to ask yourself whether your fears and assumptions are shaping the lens you use to frame yourself within the world? Whilst being mindful of our very real-life experiences to date, let’s not be defined by them. Let’s support one another to become more comfortable being uncomfortable so that we grow. And let’s continue to challenge the institutionalised bias, unconscious bias and boundaries ever-present within our society.
With thanks to the lessons nature teaches us, especially from the humble lobster and the unloved flea.
You may also be interested in the APM Podcast episode, Women in Project Management: How to make it to the top
Marion Thomas has spent 30 years as a freelance project/programme manager working across a wide range of industries (proving just how transferrable project skills are). She founded ExtraordinaryPM in 2016 and now trains and mentors other project professionals to be more successful, feel more fulfilled, prioritise their well-being and, most importantly, become great leaders. She also mentors ChPP applicants. She is a Chartered Project Professional, a Fellow of APM, regularly speaks for both APM and PMI, and is a certified coach. ExtraordinaryPM was an APM Award finalist in 2020.
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@MarionThomas Thanks for sharing. I recently embarked in a new role as a Product Owner (plus I recently moved to UK) and I can tell you how uncomfortable and challenged I feel sometimes, it shakes my confidence and questions my own capabilities. I can also relate when you talk about engaging with peers, seniors and couldn't talk about rugby etc. But these situations help you grow, be more resilient and I've noticed that actually it improves my listening skills and be more humble in my approach.
@Christele Mallet that you for your comments. I love that you are finding the gifts, listening skills and humility, in the less comfortable situations you encounter. Here's to getting comfortable being uncomfortable and keeping growing.
@MarionThomas great article. I am definitely a fellow lobster! Our career stories are so similar - first female in my first few professional roles and definitely the rank outsider, which some took great delight in reminding me (...not happy times!). But I often think I should thank people like that because it made me grow fast, while also thankfully keeping my empathy for other outsiders. I feel you have two options in those sorts of situations, you are either going to let it define you as a victim (whether that is intended by those around you or not is another question, as it takes two to tango and they can only make you a victim if you let them), or use it as rocket fuel for success...........we both clearly chose the latter. I know that can sound twee and super easy for me to say with the privilege hindsight - it was not easy, and continues not to be, but my god does it build resilience and give you a broad toolkit for dealing with many types of situations. So yes, we do need to "get out of our way", but we do also need help to do this from time to time - which I was lucky enough to have in the form of various supports/mentors etc. So I feel its incumbent on me to pay that forward through my support of others be that through mentoring, coaching or leveraging my network for others when appropriate.